One Can Simply Rock Into Mordor

18 06 2010

As local dinosaur correspondent for Big Box News not only do i get to make fun of literally whatever i want, but i also cover music reviews. Today i’m gonna yammer on about a band called The Sword

Normally, this is indeed the case

The Sword is a badass metal band out of Austin TX that have decided to actually rock out instead of being Atreyu. By this point in time, there are so many different modifiers for metal: Speed Metal, Black Metal, Death Metal, Doom Metal, etc, but these guys are just straight heavy. THEY HAVE SLAIN THE VERY CONCEPT OF ADJECTIVES. The only way i can describe them to someone is to say that they are Black Sabbath 2.0. As a lifelong metalhead i couldn’t ask for anything more. Sure it’s not as fast as Slayer or over the top satanic like Gorgoroth, but goddamn it is awesome. It’s like having some sort of viking war in your ears.

See that guy? He has forgotten more about murder than anyone will ever learn.

The Sword should hold lessons for up and coming bands on how not to suck, and what metal is supposed to sound like. There’s no whiny singing, or screamo-fist-behind-the-back-lean-forward whiny screaming. The dude cold sounds like a new Ozzy, which is good cuz our current Ozzy is getting a little…..odd. It’s as though these four dudes were sitting around one day and were like “Dude, you know how there’s like, all these gritty reboots of superheros and shit?” “Yeah, and?” “Well dude, let’s reboot metal” that was followed by a resounding “whoooaaa” from the other three guys because somehow in my head i feel like metalheads from texas love them some weed

Why would i think that? hmmm...

So, in summation, if you wanna hear some legit heavy metal and don’t feel like getting it from emaciated dudes with asymmetrical haircuts, check out The Sword.




3 responses

18 06 2010

My son has become quite a clever writer … nice job Trev!


18 06 2010

the link for The Sword is not working … it should be:


18 06 2010

fixed. thanks momma


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