Disney World Forgot In Which State It Is Located

10 08 2014

Guys, I….

I just…

Okay hang on. This article was gonna be about something else that I’ve made fun of for years: White people’s views on fashion in history. Hilarious stuff I assure you. For example: suits at all times, regardless of temperature.

"At least we look like gentlemen"

“Just counting down the minutes until heatstroke”

For those of you that do not know, that is a picture of a bar in Key West, Florida, a state you may have heard of for only getting like, 5 days a year below 80 degrees Fahrenheit. As I was searching the internet for this exact picture, I used the search term “old Key West” because that just made a whole bunch of sense. The entire first page of google results was for a KEY WEST THEMED RESORT AT DISNEY WORLD.



Okay, I get that Disney likes to be the G-rated, family version of Vegas with its around the world section of Epcot and all, but that’s for places that need a passport to see. Key West is literally right down the road.

Disney to KW

Same time zone. Same state, even.

That’s like taking a trip to Albany to stay in an NYC-themed resort. IT JUST DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. Look, if you want to see Key West on your vacation, come on down; tourism is sort of our thing ever since honest lighthouses changed the wrecking industry and sponges became synthetic.


Hey look! It’s the same bar from the first picture! Also pictured: thousands of dollars being poured into our local economy (copyright Steve Z photography, I just took this off google image search)

They’re stealing our gig plain and simple and I don’t know if you can copyright a place, but come on. They’ve got the lighthouse. They’ve got a fake harborwalk. THEY EVEN STOLE REST BEACH

rest beach


Rest Beach isn’t even that big of a deal! It’s just a small little park with a rad pier and the AIDS memorial. I used to skate there when I was in high school, never thinking that The Mouse would take it from me to cheapen my home town. Next thing will be “Bienvenido A Miami” resort and then finally “O-Town And Down” where Disney makes a resort about the city it’s in, WITH ITS OWN TINY DISNEY WORLD INSIDE IT!! DIS-CEPTION!! Haha oh wait, that’s actually pretty genius. Give me a call sometime, Iger




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