Disney World Forgot In Which State It Is Located

10 08 2014

Guys, I….

I just…

Okay hang on. This article was gonna be about something else that I’ve made fun of for years: White people’s views on fashion in history. Hilarious stuff I assure you. For example: suits at all times, regardless of temperature.

"At least we look like gentlemen"

“Just counting down the minutes until heatstroke”

For those of you that do not know, that is a picture of a bar in Key West, Florida, a state you may have heard of for only getting like, 5 days a year below 80 degrees Fahrenheit. As I was searching the internet for this exact picture, I used the search term “old Key West” because that just made a whole bunch of sense. The entire first page of google results was for a KEY WEST THEMED RESORT AT DISNEY WORLD.

WHAT?!

WHAT?!

Okay, I get that Disney likes to be the G-rated, family version of Vegas with its around the world section of Epcot and all, but that’s for places that need a passport to see. Key West is literally right down the road.

Disney to KW

Same time zone. Same state, even.

That’s like taking a trip to Albany to stay in an NYC-themed resort. IT JUST DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. Look, if you want to see Key West on your vacation, come on down; tourism is sort of our thing ever since honest lighthouses changed the wrecking industry and sponges became synthetic.

nyblog07

Hey look! It’s the same bar from the first picture! Also pictured: thousands of dollars being poured into our local economy (copyright Steve Z photography, I just took this off google image search)

They’re stealing our gig plain and simple and I don’t know if you can copyright a place, but come on. They’ve got the lighthouse. They’ve got a fake harborwalk. THEY EVEN STOLE REST BEACH

rest beach

I MEAN COME ON

Rest Beach isn’t even that big of a deal! It’s just a small little park with a rad pier and the AIDS memorial. I used to skate there when I was in high school, never thinking that The Mouse would take it from me to cheapen my home town. Next thing will be “Bienvenido A Miami” resort and then finally “O-Town And Down” where Disney makes a resort about the city it’s in, WITH ITS OWN TINY DISNEY WORLD INSIDE IT!! DIS-CEPTION!! Haha oh wait, that’s actually pretty genius. Give me a call sometime, Iger

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